The Queen: Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!
~ Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking Glass
I've begun posting on YouTube out of sheer exasperation. It seems that there's always one more thing to wait for, to hold out just until this or that, but then there's always something.
It's a strange sort of paradox, this singing thing with me. I admit, I have a problem performing in public. It isn't just stage fright, either. I am painfully shy, and actually afraid of people. I think to myself it might have been easier if I were "really talented", if I had music spouting out of my ears and catchy tunes flowing from my fingers, but I don't. I can barely read music (was never really interested enough to learn, actually), don't play an instrument, and am often quilty of being off-tempo and off-key. Though I always sang, growing up I was never THE singer, just A singer.
It's weird to have people tell me I'm really good, and ask why I work where I do. Like I have all these options strewn at my feet. People have this idea that if you have a talent then you will zero in on the path to stardom like a homing pigeon or something. I don't know about all that. I just know that I have to sing, and that I have to put my singing "out there".
Do I honestly think I sound good? Sometimes. Great, definitely not. One of my favorite motivational books tells me that perfectionism is just a way of staying stuck. I am never going to be "good enough" to suit myself, and the longer I don't act the more I'm going to berate myself for it. So rather than wait till I'm "good enough" I finally decided to do it crappily. And maybe I'll get better in time.
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